Laundry matters are also something else over here, with top-loading washers still being pretty commonplace. Yes, top-loading washers. You can actually still buy them in the stores over here. Thankfully now that we have our own home I now have access to front-loading washing facilities which have very much been the standard back in Europe since well before I was born, and are something which I *INSISTED* on ultimately purchasing within minutes after accepting DrMr’s marriage proposal which determined that I would be emigrating permanently across the pond. I’m a housewife of the millennium, not the 1950s thankyouverymuch… aside from the stovetop teakettle, that is. Unfortunately, as for the electric kettles, this latest, greatest, newest ever concept in American clothes washing also comes with a price premium, but I’ve been spoilt by 31 years of English life and VERY MUCH NEED a woollens cycle on my washing machine in order to have a happy laundry experience. Now finding a detergent that actually gets my whites as bright as I would like is a whole different matter, but believe it or not I did actually bring over some British detergent with me when I moved, so with careful rationing I remain a happy launderer (plus my family can bring some more out when they visit). And my goal for this summer is getting a washing line up outside so I can dry my clothes the natural way, rather than ruin blast them in a drier. Again, normal for the UK, not so normal over here.

Now these two things (amongst a couple of other more minor cultural idiosyncrasies) I’ve been able to adapt to of course, and these new modified techniques of performing everyday activies are now becoming the norm. But once in a while I encounter yet another ‘new’thing, and each time I do it completely knocks me for six and sends me completely off kilter. This latest one is pretty major, and it concerns of all things, GRASS.

Here in the new house, we have lawns. One in the front, one in the back. By American standards they really are rather small and could laughingly be referred to as more like patches of grass, but I’m English, and in England everything is usually on a much smaller scale, and so to me we have full on gardens. Gardens which contain grass that needs to be mown on a regular basis.  And here’s where the gripe begins:

Chances are it is probably ME who is going to be mowing the lawn. At least for the time being (i.e. next 6 months) whilst DrMr has his foot in a cast and can’t really be expected to perform such activities. I don’t mind this at all in fact. I thought back to the days when back in England when I would help my parents with the garden and it was always a big treat to be allowed to mow the grass. So relaxing. Young Father looks forward to it, and I don’t blame him, it’s theraputic with the smell of the grass and the gentle hum of the electric hover mower. Read that last part again: the gentle hum of the electric hover mower. That’s what I envisioned we would get too. A Flymo to be exact. Your bog-standard electric garden cutting tool back home in the UK (although the company is actually Swedish).

It may look kind of garish, but it does the job perfectly. Unlike conventional mowers, hover mowers float effortlessly on a cushion of air, without any wheels and they mow in any direction following the contour of the land. Seriously, even the weakest of people can use these things, and can pretty much do it one-handed too. They even collect all the grass up and compress it into a basket which is WAY more efficient than having a gathering bag on the back. And yes, above all they hum gently, so the birds don’t fly from the trees whenever you start one up and you can remain on good terms with your neighbours. Moreover, you don’t even have to break the bank to get one of these either, they are cheap at under £100 (but even that is considered to be on the expensive side).

Why am I mentioning this? Well here in the US of A, THESE THINGS ARE NON EXISTANT. Here, when enquiring about hover mowers, people look at you and chuckle nervously in disbelief, or comment that that sort of compact, lightweight garden tool must be way futuristic when in fact THESE THINGS HAVE BEEN AROUND IN EUROPE AND THE COMMONWEALTH SINCE THE 1970S. Aside from being pregnant, I am also female and therefore evolutionary and biologically not as physically strong as my male counterparts. With a hover mower this is not of any relevance whatsoever, but here in the States it is entirely relevant where mowing tools are all BIG and HEAVY and because of all the raw materials involved they’re also rather expensive setting you back at least a couple of hundred dollars even for a cheap one. And because of their size and excessive use of raw materials, these giant hulks of equipment are also very DIRTY and SMELLY and NOT VERY MANEUVERABLE AT ALL. Heaven forbid should you have a slope in your garden, like we do- it’s backbreaking work. I know this because I mowed our lawns this morning. So much for it being relaxing work and something to look forward to.

This is the lawnmower that we got. The smallest one that we could find with a grass catcher on the back. It’s also electric and cordless.

I HATE IT SO MUCH I WOULD HAVE PUSHED IT INTO THE RIVER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GARDEN HAD I HAD THE STRENGTH TO DO IT. Its only saving grace was that it is electric as there is nothing I despise more than gasoline mowers that belch out dirty fumes and are so noisy that they can wake up sleeping babies three streets away. The electric bit was a compromise. DrMr wanted gas, I said no (for the above reasons, and also for the fact that I can never get them to start). The cordless bit was a counter-compromise to compensate for the lack of cable on the electric mower. But it’s still big, it’s still heavy, and I can’t get it to turn corners. It’s not relaxing to use. And it doesn’t even cut the grass evenly.

I did actually manage to find an electric hover mower here. Small, compact, lightweight and perfect for the job. And cheaper too.

I wish more than anything that we would have got it and that mowing the lawn could have been the relaxing experience I imagined from home, but it had no grass catcher on the back, and wasn’t cordless, therefore couldn’t be compromised upon. We could have raked the clippings with a garden rake (excellent job for a small child in years to come, I used to do this when I was small and loved it), or even got one of those garden vacuums to suck the clippings up instead, but it had a cord to power it and it had no grasscatcher. So we got the other one instead. And for the next six months we will probably be paying someone else to cut our grass as I’m female and weak and can’t push the one we ended up buying. The one which doesn’t even cut the grass evenly. So I’m just going to sulk about it and blame it on my pregnancy hormones. And let someone else cut the grass from now on instead.

© Originally published by Nin for |••• PeachyHollow •••| as Gardening gripes