So umm, well, yes, I haven’t been entirely diligent in keeping up with my individual 365 posts this past week and regular blog posts haven’t entirely been gushing forth from the fountains of Peachy Hollow either, but the last six days haven’t exactly been usual, neither have they seen me at my best.
Since arriving home from Paris last Saturday night, the main task confronting me for the following few days was to pack up the remainder of my room and confirm the final arrangements for the removal company to pick it all up and ship it to California. To say that this past week has been a rollercoaster would be the Understatement Of The Year. Emotionally speaking, things did not go so well but when I started out on my journey of taking a self portait every day for a year, I promised myself that it would be a true journal of my daily activities and feelings, and thus I continued to take the pictures.
Ok, so here goes…
Like I said, the past week has been a complete rollercoaster, far moreso than I ever imagined it would be, but I’m actually feeling a lot better now. In fact I’m back to looking forward to things again
Day 153
The day after we got back from Paris and the reality hit that I would be leaving my family, the house that I grew up in, and the country that I have called ‘home’ for the past 31 years. I spent the whole day in tears and wasn’t really in the mood to take a photo.
Day 154
The day that DrMrNin flew back to California. I cried all the way to the airport because I knew that next time I would be going here it would be because *I* would be flying out too. We had got there a little early and grabbed lunch in a coffee shop. I then burst into tears all over again. I did not like the reality that was hitting me.
I drove home and spent the rest of the day sobbing on the couch in front of the television.
Day 155
Another day spent rounding everything up for the Big Move. Today was spent moving all of my boxes into the conservatory so they would be easily accessible for the removal men. I hated every second of it and wept throughout. I wasn’t really in the mood to take a photo, but snapped this shot just before I went to bed.
Day 156
Wednesday, my worst day yet. I’d just got back from having my last lesson at my local riding stables which have been my sanctuary on/off for the past six years. The previous three days had exhausted me of any physical and emotional strength and my riding was terrible as a result. I managed to hold out until the last five minutes of the session but then the tears started rolling down my face as I could no longer fight them back.
I know I will take lessons there again when I visit home, but I will miss the regularity of my little riding schedule that I’ve had and the interaction with the horses whom I count all as my friends. I’ve also met some great people friends there too, including THE most AMAZING instructors. I just wish I could fly them out with me… That’s assuming I’m able to continue with my riding in the US, which I *really* hope I can (I have visions of going in for a Dressage competition or two in 2009).
My mood kind of stayed like this for the rest of the day.
Day 157
Well, they came and took everything away. This was the moment I was dreading. I was weeping when they arrived, but then something inside me changed and I stopped…. That afternoon, with my boxes no longer everywhere in the house to remind me of what was actually happening, I felt a lot calmer and more relaxed. I even managed to smile and laugh. I went a whole afternoon and evening without shedding a single tear.
Day 158
My first whole day since getting home from Paris without crying And a whole day of fun on an outing with my sister around some pretty English villages. We take regular Sister Outings once or twice a year and they’re always hugely enjoyable. We wanted to do something really English this time, and a mini roadtrip fit the bill entirely.
I have time to kill on a 10 hour flight next week and I’m planning to play the sort-my-photos-out-game to help pass it, so keep your eyes peeled for an overdose of Country England in the next few weeks. And given that I’ve taken 12GB of pictures in the past three weeks alone means that there’s plenty of blog fodder for the months to come. Just because I’ll be living in California doesn’t mean that I will be abandoning my homeland entirely
Born to wear pretty dresses and Barbour jackets and skip through muddy English fields in a pair of Hunter wellies, Nin is now a 30-something British Ex-Pat living in the urban wilds of Silicon Valley in the San Francisco Bay Area. She likes cake and chocolate and is on a quest to find the perfect Stateside cream tea.
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16 Responses to “Catching up… Days 153-158”
*GULP* by day 156 I was crying too!! You poor, poor thing. It’s a huge thing you are doing. You need a special present to yourself when you get there (besides the Good Dr, naturally
) … by way of awarding yourself a Gold Medal!!
Aw, I don’t blame you one bit! I’ve gotten emotional just going the 200-and-some miles across state lines to go to school away from home, I can’t imagine trying to cope with the big move you’re about to make!
Aw, you poor thing.
I know what it feels like - I emigrated to the US, also. (I was a citizen to start with. Didn’t grow up here, though.) It’s really difficult! But just remember, you can always go home and visit. 
There’s plenty of horses around here. There are 2 city stables 5 minutes from my house, for example. And one of our friends has her own horse, even. (Though not here in Oakland. I think in Livermore?)
Aww! I’m sending you many Xs and Os…You are a very brave girl you know! You are an inspiration to those of us who want to do brave things too!
(((Nin))) You are supremely brave. Not just for experiencing these emotions and adventures, but for sharing them with us. It’s an honor. Always know that. And besides, you can make DrMrNin move back home with you if you ever feel like it. I said so. :o) And…you are so very blessed to have such a loving relationship with your sisters. If only you knew how many of us out here dream the opportunity for just a second of that…
OMG I am feeling terribly emotional too. The absolute worst part of any transition is the having to let go of the old in order to have the new.
It’s tricky. It will be okay. Everyone will do their adjusting… slowly.
It is a hugely courageous thing you are doing, although of course MrNin is worth it I’m sure.
It has been wonderful to follow your journey and I really hope to continue keeping you as my nearest thing to ‘Hello’ mag :-))
I have some very lovely photos on my blog if you want another quick blast of Very English Things, however it’s a bit of a sad story with it.
Go Well. Good Luck again x
I was teary just looking at you and feeling your pain((HUGS))…as I totally understand the emotions welling up and spilling over during such a momentous time in your life. Sending love and positive vibes your way and take care of yourself!
Hi, aww, I really feel for you and kinda know what your going thru. I went to italy when I was in the Navy fresh out of high school! Leaving my family for 3 years was *Eeek!* Very real and scary for me. I was a wreck when I left home. But when I got to Italy I was so Culture Shocked it subsided a bit and I had all new feelings, everything slowed down and going to italy was an amazing experience, I Love the culture, and I wish there was that laid back feel here in the US for me…..seeing your pictures brought it all back to me. Coming to the US is going to be a wild ride. Soak up your time there. you will miss it. But you and your hubby together will take all that sadness away.
Mixed emotions for you. All will be well though.
This so much reminds me of my own move, sitting those few last days in my old, empty flat with just the echo of the old life I had there left. Moving is always hard but really going away feels like death.
But when you get there, and see all your things again, and your husband, it will start to get easier.
*hug*
But it will so be worth it
Chin up and the best of luck. Think of all the lovely holidays you’ll be able to offer your family, and all the new experiences you can share with them. The fact that you’re so upset is testament to how close you all are, which is definitely something to cherish xxx
This transparency gives new meaning to the word *bittersweet*.
Praying for you as you adjust to the new situation.
Don’t know what to say that somebody hasn’t already said.
Only, “thinking of you”
*hug*
Thankyou, thankyou, THANKYOU! You’re all so nice and reading all your kind comments has made me feel *SO* much better. You’re right, it’s not like I’m never going to come home again, and if I really do end up hating it, we can always move back here.
I feel *so* much better now
my poor little Nin…
XOXOXO !! and xoxoxoxo !!