Can you guess what it is yet?

Here's a clue….it's what's behind the door that matters, hee hee! 

The excitement is mounting, things are all happening and I am abso-goshly-lutely BURSTING AT THE SEAMS with wanting to tell you what is happening on October 1st…. But I've decided to use it as an exercise of control, so you're just going to have to wait

(but OOOOOH I do so very want to tell you!!!!)

I was awoken in the early hours of yesterday morning by a howling wind, and the sound of heavy rain lashing against the windows. Time in bed is usually very precious to me, and I'm the sort of person who if push came to shove would consider selling my grandmother in exchange for a little more cosy time between the sheets. Actually maybe I'm not that extreme, but you get the point: I'm most definitely NOT a morning person. But yesterday morning, I strangely didn't mind at all. Yes, it was too cold to get up, yes it was too dark to get up, and yes it was most definitely too wet to get up, but something about the combination of all three sent an electrifying surge of excitement through me and I couldn't wait to start the day. As the hours continued, so did the intermittent bursts of rain, and we even had a spot of thunder in the afternoon.

It was a day defined by raincoats and sweaters, and warm socks and sheepskin boots. It was a day defined by wanting to drink warm apple cider and eat hot fruit pies, and wanting to cosy up in front of the TV with a lap full of knitting. It was a day defined by AUTUMN which is very much without doubt my most very favourite time of year.

It just so happened that the other day we were up in the hills taking some pictures for my sister's forthcoming dressmaking-kit website, and it was then when I first began to notice that all the trees were beginning to take on their comforting glow of russet and ochre. This glorious spectacle of nature will do nothing but burn brighter over the forthcoming weeks, turning countryside England into one of the most beautiful places around, and I for one can't wait to see it

There really has been a complete flurry of activity going on around here for the past week or so: I’ve been digging around of five years worth of photos for my immigration, I successfully interviewed for and had induction for my new job, there’s been the ongoing (and never ending) project bedroom, the redesign and relocation of this website (sidenote: I’m almost there now, so keep your eyes peeled for the re-launch any day now) and I’ve done some serious moping around to name but a few things. And let’s not forget that there’s also Paige. Ahh, dear sweet, lovely Paige. I *puffy heart* her more than ever. And as an indication of just how special she is to me, in and amongst my hectic schedule I still managed to find the time to buy her and fit her with a new pull charm.

See how pleased she is with it? Paige loved it so much she just kept wanting to show it off, hee! Now of course you all know that this cute new pull charm replaced the original plain plastic ring on the end of the string that you pull to make her eyes do things, right?

But if I’ve lost you completely, you can get a better idea of the concept here- the string basically hangs out of the back of her head, and when you pull it she blinks, and when she opens her eyes again, they’re not only a different colour, but they’re also looking in another direction. Pretty fancy, don’t you think? So when she looks left, she’s got blue eyes, she looks right and they’re green, and when she looks forward they’re either orange or pink. Actually, to be perfectly honest, the orange and the pink eyes are a teensy bit freaky (*gasps* did I just have something bad to say about Paige??), but until I do some minor surgery on her I have her looking to the side. And not to sorry, she’s actually looking forward to her little cosmetic proceedure, we’re just taking our time picking the eye-chip colours.

Anyway, when the string isn’t being pulled, it dangles behind her in an ever so pretty way, and it always means that she has a little friend to play with when I’m not there

Isn’t she THE PRETTIEST?! And now she’s EVEN CUTER! Oooh, I get the tingly jitters just writing about her

That letter arrived…..finally! Trust that to happen just the day after I sent through two more copies of the immigration form, to two seperate addresses, using two different post boxes (I was determined that at least one of these babies should get through). But phew, now that’s one less thing off my plate now, and I can put a big red line through it.

And my induction at work went really well too. It was all rather basic stuff really, but there’s rather a lot to take in, but much, MUCH more importantly was that I really enjoyed it. It’s busy, varied and above all, FUN! I have training on the job all next week so my hours are a bit strange, but then the following Monday marks the start of a normal working week, hurrah. I HAVE A JOB!!! Hurrah for being employed, and hurrah for having MONEY GOING INTO THE BANK at last. Gosh that’s going to be so nice after the past year of seemingly non-stop expenditures.

And on yet another brighter note, I had a phonecall yesterday asking me to interview for the job I applied to, but I was able to say very proudly that thankyou, but as of the other day, I am already employed. It would have been a good second choice though, and it’s nice to feel desired. Not bad really, given that I only applied for two jobs, and had interview requests for both. I was worried that I wasn’t going to get anything, full stop, given that I’m only here for nine months. Maybe the gods are on my side after all? Anyway, it’s nice to have things to smile about again.

Like when you can do nothing right, even when you try to fix the problem. Like when other people think that you're ungrateful, when really, absolutely you're most definitely not. Like when for the first time in ages you have none of your own duties or responsibilities, yet you are engulfed by a list of other people's To Do-s and second had requirements that are foisted upon you. Like deadlines that never end. Like when everyone else thinks that you're the only one who knows how to do things, so you're always 'on call'. Like when you struggle so hard tying to get your own life in order yet have to fight even harder to stop it from being micromanaged by other people. Like you are trapped in a balloon that is all the while shrinking further around you. Like when you want to curl up and hide in a corner invisible to the rest of the world and lost in your own space, but it hurts when there's nowhere to go. Like when you are always more tired than when you went to bed. Like when life has lost its pretty sparkle. Like when everything around you is shrouded in a grey that chokes you when you try to get through, the  smog so thick that it's all you can do to just try to breathe and keep alive. Like a dull ache so painful that nothing else matters. Like when you get accused of being self centered, when all you're trying to do is keep quiet and find distraction of the torture of everyday life. Like when you feel unwanted by those around you, but lonely for the ones far away who do. Like when your spirit has been crushed and your soul lies there, bleeding.

Like, today.