Turning a corner?
July 1, 2009I hope I haven’t spoken too soon but it’s 2.55am and all is quiet in the house. This is a FIRST!
Two weeks
June 24, 2009*edited to add: it’s taken me three days to write this post. Free time is a valuable commodity all of a sudden.*
As I sit and type this, my sweet little baby snoozes contentedly by me whilst the four hundred and fourteeth load of laundry spins around in the machine. Yes, we made it through the first two weeks. Numerous people warned how rough the first fortnight would likely be, but only experience has *really* revealed the truth behind this statement as it has been the sort of rough that was really quite unimaginable unless you’ve lived through it to tell the tale. As if recovering from the marathon of labour and delivery isn’t enough on it’s own, there is the whole issue of sleep deprivation to contend with too. Anyone who doesn’t believe that sleep deprivation is torture, I challenge you to look after a newborn and see how you like it, or if you’ve done that before, I offer you a refresher course just to remind you how hard it is, and hey you don’t even have the birth to recover from so consider it the easy route. As I keep pointing out, Oliver is a really really good baby, and his demands are really quite minimal. His cries are different and distinctive and usually relate to two basic things. He sobs when he is hungry, and his shrieks can be heard all over the house and across the neighbouring counties whenever his diaper is wet. Except for when he’s hungry. Even at two weeks the boy has his priorities. My only complaint is that he is at his most active between midnight and 4am, but I can hardly hold that against him. He’s only seen daylight 14 times after all.
For me, the past couple of weeks have been a bit rough but as if by magic, things got a whole lot better today. Although the whole labour and birth thing was relatively straightforward (except for it being back- labour), it all went a bit pearshaped after that. It’s ironic really- I managed 17 hours of back labour with no pain relief whatsoever (just a yoga breathing technique) but then after 11 minutes of people yelling PUSH and him coming out, I end up on a pretty strong cocktail of painkillers including a shot of morphine in my back side. Yes, the whole process of childbirth was mild compared to the pain that came afterwards that left me writhing and screaming, begging for something, anything to take the pain away, even an epidural, or otherwise I really would have preferred to die. At the time they thought that I might have fractured my coccyx giving birth, but now it looks like I aggravated an old injury and the swelling that followed delivery was the thing that tipped me over the edge. This is cutting a very long story short of course, for there was also the severe blood loss (more than double the norm during delivery and more after) and associated anaemia, and the deep purple bruising that covered my entire back side and partially down my thighs that had been ‘rarely seen before’ (to quote my midwife) that warrants a follow-up appointment at two weeks post-hospital-discharge instead of four-to-six. Add to that the complete breakdown in the functioning of any of my inner workings between my waist and knees, plus the sleep deprivation and it all made for quite an ugly past couple of weeks. Reflecting back on it, it seems more and more apparent that childbirth has to be one of nature’s biggest jokes. Birth takes an awful lot out of you and it’s the perfect example of a situation where the best recuperation ever would be to lie in bed and sleep for hours. But no. Nature doesn’t allow that. Babies need to be fed. The sleep deprivation was probably the hardest bit of all. Except for that pain bit after he was born. Oh the pain. Even the morphine didn’t stop it, but it did make me sleepy. I will perhaps document the whole birth story at some point, but right now I’m tired of re-living it each time I have to go to the bathroom, so it’s going to have to wait for a moment where I’m feeling mentally strong 
DrMrNin has been great of course, and having my parents here has been fabulous. I don’t know how I would have got through it without them. xx
I hope you get stronger and stronger every day … I know about the blood-loss thing and it’s horrible, you feel so weak. Keep resting when you can!!
Ouch, I’m sorry. But he is really quite handsome.
Oh, Nin. I’ve been a lurker here for quite some time, but I’m finally leaving a comment.
I have an almost-one year old, and your post reminded me of those dark days in the beginning. They’re so tough!
I had a friend tell me when my baby was a newborn, “I hope things are going well for you. But if they aren’t, just know that it does get better.” And she was right.
Hang in there!
P.S. Your son is so beautiful. Congratulations.
Hi Nin,
So sorry to hear you had such a ghastly time-you poor thing. The picture of you feeding says it all.
It sounds like you had a particularly bad time. I hope you now have some excellent pain remedies.
I don’t know if you have heard of Floradix but it’s an excellent tonic-I am not sure of the contraindications for nursing though. It says on the box though.
I hope that’s a pic of your parents arriving not leaving and that they are able to stay on with you a bit.
I still want to send you something and I meant to say that if you didn’t want to give out your address i could send it to a post office near your parents and they could have brought it over! (it will be light) But of course too late now. Umm well you’ll let me know x
speedy recovery
x
Oh you poor, poor thing. I want to give you a really big, gentle hug 
Actually, after reading this, I think the biggest joke is the fact that maternity leave is unable to be fully split between both parents, rather than leaving mums to do it alone, give or take a pathetic fortnight of paternity leave. Hope you start to feel better soon.
Many hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxx
this post has made me realise that not being able to have children could actually be a blessing!
seriously though….. i send you a huge amount of gentle healing thoughts and a whole truck load of admiration x
what you have been through sounds awful and i hope that over time the memory will fade….
you look exhausted but still so pretty, so keep on smiling and kissing that beautiful, beautiful babe x
be gentle with yourself…..
love to you
t x
Look back on it all and revel in how strong you really are. Childbirth and the recovery proves that women can do anything. And do.
I’m glad your parents are there, too!
Oh dear. This post has scared me half to death, as I am five months along.
I am glad to hear that the birth went relatively well, but sorry to hear that there was considerable aftermath. Hmmm.
One note regarding paternity leave: in Canada (hooray), fathers can take 1 year paid leave if the mother takes none.
Otherwise, mum gets 1 year paid (soon to be 18 months paid leave!) and father takes 35 weeks.
After all that bragging, I must admit that in a cut-throat, corporate workplace, taking a year off for fathers is quietly frowned upon despite being completely legal. Works well if you are in the public sector, though!
You know…I have a picture of myself holding my son about 2-3 weeks in with that exact expression. That feeling of being completely drained both physically and emotionally. Hang in there…{{{Hugs}}}…it will get better, one day at a time…
Aww…I love that second picture! You look exhausted, poor dear, but happy. How could you not be, with BP in your arm and kitty on your feet? I hope you continue to heal and feel better!!! =)
I hope you are able to start getting some good sleep soon and start feeling better! Oliver is precious!
Thankyou
June 21, 2009
Thankyou all *so* much for all your encouragement, reading your sweet comments brought tears to my eyes. He is such a good baby, really he is. He very rarely fusses at all. He only cries when his diaper is wet and it’s not his fault that his day is backwards. The struggle that I’m having is that although the birth bit went really well (depite the fact that I had back labour, I managed to do the whole thing completely drug-free, and only pushed for 10 minutes) I had a couple of complications afterwards from which I am still recovering. Just as one problem corrects itself, another thing goes wrong with me and I end up feeling sorry for myself all over again. It’s horrible.
But the other day my mummy and daddy flew out from England to be here and look after me, and that makes me feel a lot better. And Baby Peach is loving all the extra cuddle time. And extra pairs of hands means that I can sneak off for a little nap time in the afternoon.
i am glad your parents are over. the support and the confort will help you, and while little Oliver meets his grandparents and fills his ears with british accents, you can take care of yourself, sleep and rest.
you know i have no idea what i’m talking about just yet, but i do believe it will get better. just like pregnancy, you read, you hear, people tell you what to expect, but you don’t know nothing until you just have to face it…
take care of yourself !!!
XO
I really hope your body returns to its normal self soon. Giving birth is a *huge* thing! So glad you have your mommy and daddy there!! 
That little fella is a complete sweetie!!!
Aww, Nin. Be gentle with yourself and know that what you are going through is perfectly normal and expected. It is a tough, tough thing to have a baby, and the body’s responsibilities can seem overwhelming. Take it one day at a time, and soon the fog will lift and you will start to feel like your old self again (plus one cute new friend!).
Hang in there,and celebrate the extra hands right now!
Nin- I have not had a chance to properly congratulate you on this beautiful, beautiful boy! He is a total heartbreaker for sure. So happy for you. One you get through the first hard weeks, it will be much better. OXOX
Hello!
Hope you are having a good day. I think it’s just normal to feel a bit overwhelmed at first (I have no baby but I remember well my school best friend’s first few days of Motherhood). I really hope you are sneaking in several little mini soul-replenishing treats for yourself too. I do love the laid-back expression and of your peachy, scrumptious child!
That’s wonderful that your parents came to visit. He is so stinkin cute! Hang in there and take it easy. {{Hugs}} I hope you start feeling better soon.
My daughter brought her baby over for Father’s Day and we all ate together. Babies are so adorable. Every little smile or grimace or diaper noise even is something to ooh and ahh over. Grandparenting is the greatest!
Awww, what a sweet picture! I am so thrilled for you. I hope that everything clears up. Thank goodness for Grandparents, eh? That will surely help you out a lot. You’ll be just fine in no time.
Nin, he is absolutely gorgeous and your pictures of him are the best. I’m glad your parents are with you now to help out.
I hope your healing continues to improve. Wishing you all the best. xxx
Enjoy the time with your folks =) I’d take lots of naps too!
Nin -
Oliver is just perfect.
i’m so glad your parents are there and you’re letting them help so you can get some sleep. i know it seems like a long, uphill road, but your body is sorting itself out one bit at a time, and it will get better, i promise.
i had broken ribs during labor (Wee One had her rear end up against them, and i didn’t feel the crack because of the epidural) and i didn’t figure out why my side hurt until 2 days after i got back from the hospital. Crazy.
But just as your body made this wonderful baby, it will heal itself with time and rest. baby steps! xoxoxo
Baby Peach is adorable!! I’m sorry your body isn’t recovering quickly. I hope you are feeling better soon. Thinking of you!
Oh Nin, it is *so* not easy being a new mom and such a tremendous adjustment in many ways. It can seem especially overwhelming when you add discomfort/pain, and fatigue on top of your numerous new responsibilities. Take some time for yourself. Take your warm baths. Drink your tea. Eat your cake. Delegate chores… every one of them! If you can sneak in some cat naps, take advantage of them (I didn’t do this so much).
Oliver is such a handsome little boy. I know you must have fallen in love with that sweet lil’ face at least a million times already.
*hugs* to you dear. And you know, whenever you are up for a ‘Blythe and Baby’ meet just say the word. =)
He is so gorgeous! Glad you’re on the mend, and have some help and love from you parents! xoxo
ill-prepared
June 19, 2009They tell you all about labour and how it all ends with a baby, but I wish I’d been more prepared for the toll it would take on my body. Labour ends, but the aftermath begins. One week on and my body is still pretty wrecked, both inside and out. Plus all the nursing is wiping me out completely.
He’s worth it, of course, but at the same time I just want to feel normal again
V remember that you need to take time for you and Oliver right now. That is all that matters. No cleaning, cooking, washing or anything. Let others do that for you both, particularly while you have visitors. Just cuddle up in bed, get lots of skin to skin, and feed, feed, feed to get your supply established. Oh, and eat as much cake as your body can consume to provide much needed extra calories. Chin up. It takes some adjusting to because your normal is going to be rather different from now on and learning to accept that takes time. But you are fabulous and you can do this. Love and kisses from us. xx
Oh, I wish I had something more helpful to say…I was there six months ago, feeling that way. So exhausted, a walking milk factory…but, it does get better…I promise. Hang in there {{hugs}}
oh sweet girl……
take some Arnica tabs to help with the healing and some cake for the soul x
sending you …
very
very
very
gentle hugs
t x
Hi Nin,
If I was there I would offer you a lovely Indian Head Massage which would make you feel a whole lot more in harmony with things. I think, along with the arnica, if anyone there is any good at massage you should ask for someone to rub your back, shoulders, scalp etc…
A bit of soothing and cuddly time will help you surrender to this life-changing experience, I’m sure.
Well done girl xxx
Dear Nin,
I was shocked by the whole thing with my first as well. I did not drive a car for three weeks. Big baby, I was.
Just take it as easy as you can. Stay in your jammies and sit on the couch and stare at your dear baby. Eat well. Drink well. Stare at your baby.
Sleep.
The first three months are by far the hardest part of mothering.
But, I know you will come thru with flying colors.
Love.
Nin,
My daughter’s baby is two weeks old now and she is going through the same things as you. She’s been tired and sore and sleepless and full of milk and squirting milk in the baby’s mouth. But she is loving it too. It’s a real adjustment. I, fortunately, have been there for several days to help cook and clean and pamper her if possible. Console her when necessary. We had a little fever scare once. I think it was the thermometer’s fault but it was scary. The baby had a little colic a few days and that was rough. We finally bought some drops for gas. They helped. You’ll do fine through it all. He’s a beautiful boy and so yummy to look at. Your energy will return!!
I second and third and fourth everyone’s suggestions. I was completely unprepared for the bodily damage and discomfort. Absolutely nothing matters other than sleeping when the baby sleeps and asking for help when you need it. Normal is temporarily suspended, but it’s not forever. xoxoxoxoxo
Everything will be okay. Promise. Everything you area feeling is normal. And I second what everyone else is saying. Especially the part about doing nothing but sleeping and feeding and receiving massages while others take care of all else. It’s imperative, yet difficult for those of us who like to do for ourselves. 
)
Awwwww. I really *don’t* know what to say. So, if you want some non-baby conversation, just drop me an email. I can tell you all about my recent ‘conversion’ (politically-speaking) for cash. Chin up, chuck! At least your swollen boobies will go away in the end (and Oliver is making my womb twang!)
Awww, I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time of it. My hospital births were exhausting, too–I recovered much faster after my homebirths! Don’t forget, you’re in the Fourth Trimester, give yourself time, “normal” can wait. My midwife suggests alfalfa to help give my energy a boost, and make sure you’re getting enough water and protein. Enjoy your Babymoon while you can…you’ve got one peach of a boy, there!
9 months up, 9 months down. Don’t get in a rush, but yeah, it’s hard when everyone wants a piece of you and your life is no longer your own. Go to peps or some kind of moms support group cause if you are the only one w/a new born. you feel very alone!
He’s a beauty, well done!
I know nothing about after baby bodies and how that feels, but just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts (even when I only get a chance to check out what is going on with you once a month or so).
emilie posted the following on July 2, 2009 at 12:14 am.
whoo hoo !
but then.. why aren’t you asleep lady !!!
xoxo
stacyZ posted the following on July 2, 2009 at 10:16 am.
Congratulations. Enjoy it. I know many times I had to wake up to pump while my guy slept through the night.
Enjoy and get your rest.